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Who are we kidding?! 

Group work can be stressful and tedious. However, we have the tools necessary to make working with others less tiresome. 
While in college, chances are that you'll have to get together with others for a group project or something of that sort and this survival guide is here for you to give you and your future team(s) the best odds of working as a system.

AND WE WANT TO HELP.

On the right side of the screen is a list of all the topics that we thought were most important to working in a group. Find an issue your team has been dealing with. Inside you'll find advice, stories, and pictures to help you understand groups a little bit more. 

Conflict Filters

Here's a picture of a water filter:

Pretty fancy, huh?

You're probably wondering what that has to do with being in a group. 

The answer is: A LOT

Imagine you're a water pitcher. 

I would probably look a lot like this. 

The water that goes in is my every day events, and what comes out is how I interact with other people. This could be in little things, like how I talk to the person who makes my smoothie in the morning and how I react when I meet people for the first time, or larger things like how I work with others in groups. 

But, you'll notice that there is something that changes the water that goes in (the events) and makes it different when it comes out (the interactions). 

It's a filter, and like a water pitcher, every person has one. 

But our filters aren't made of out plastic - they're made up of all the experiences we've had growing up. Because of this, every person has a different filter and a different type of reaction to external events like conflict. 

Here's an example of what my filters look like.

These filters affect everything about how I interact with people, and knowing that they exist helps me to know why I react to conflict in certain ways. For example, I know that being a middle child made feel the need to prove my opinions were better than everyone and that being an athlete made me always want to win. The combination of these two filters have made me very competitive when it comes to conflict.

Basically anything that makes a large impact on our lives can be a filter, and affect how we deal with conflict.

So now the question is, 

What are your filters? 

Comment below!

Defining Conflict

It's so easy to think that every little issue is a conflict. But, SURPRISE!!! A lot of what appears to be an argument is actually an internal. Mislabeling these can create huge issues between people - specifically if people think they are undeserved attacks. 

It's easy to say that we want to avoid conflict, but that can be hard when we don't know what conflict is. 
How do we know if this is an actual conflict you ask??

WELL DON'T WORRY FAM, I HAVE A QUIZ TO HELP YOU FIGURE OUT!!!!

SOOOOO, now that you know whether you are actually in the middle of a conflict or not, you get to choose what to do!

How do I know what to do if it's an actual conflict you ask???

WELL DON'T WORRY FAM, I HAVE SOME TIPS TO HELP YOU FIGURE IT OUT!!!!

These five tips will help to keep you from flying off the handle so you can focus on the real issue, and deal with conflict in a way that is positive and constructive. 

Now that you have all this knowledge, use it to your advantage!

How do I know use it to my advantage you ask???

GO AND CONQUER THE WORLD FAM!!!!

Solutions to Conflict

It’s clear that most of us have a desire to win in conflict, however, many of us don’t truly know what that win is or how to arrive at it. The C.R.I.B model helps us get a grasp of a step-by-step process.

1. Commit to finding the win

2. Recognize why it's important

3. Invent a new win

4. Brainstorm solutions

Just like an interpersonal conflict, this process requires participation from both parties. Both have to explore each other’s perspectives and see what each wants out of the conflict. They also have to try to understand of why the issue is important to the other person. At this point it is understood what the critical areas of conflict are and what makes the issues important. In the next stage, we can both find something we can agree on that helps each side. Last but certainly not least, we can brainstorm solutions that can be beneficial to both.

CONFUSED? Read this!

Example:

When Miley and Liam broke up, they both wanted to keep the house in LA, and couldn’t agree who got it. Billy Ray gave Miley some advice on the issue. First, he said, both of them had to agree to trying to find a solution that would be beneficial for everyone. After committing to that, they could move on. The next step was to understand why the house was so important to them. Miley realized that she was attached to it because it was the first place she lived after moving to LA. Liam only wanted it because it had a personal pool. Both of them recognized each others reason for wanting the house. They decided that a new win would be for Miley to keep her sentimental value, and for Liam to keep his pool. After brainstorming, Billy Ray suggested that Miley keep the house, and pay for a new pool to be put into Liam’s new back yard. This way, everyone got what was most important to them, and was satisfied by the solution.

STILL CONFUSED? Watch these!

Crib method: Part one

Crib method: Part two

Conflict Styles

So, let's just pretend for a second that you're in a group that isn't getting along very well. You're starting to get closer and closer to a huge fight, and your basic reaction is just like...

.

WELL DON'T WORRY BECAUSE WE CAN HELP WITH THAT!!!!!

I now proudly present: The three basic steps that you'll need if you want to understand how you deal with conflict and come to the most positive solution possible!

STEP ONE: Find your conflict style!!

Take this quiz to get a basic idea of what your automatic reaction to conflict is!

STEP TWO: Learn what those conflict styles actually mean IRL!!

AVOIDING: Low Assertiveness, Low Cooperation

    ALYSSA: From my personal experience, I tend to deal with conflict by avoiding the situation. This is not a healthy way to go about dealing with conflict. I recall one time I used this strategy; it was 2 years ago with my college roommate who also happens to be my best friend since 2nd grade. 

   To this day I cannot recall exactly what the conflict was about but it started with us yelling at each other back and forth. Hurtful things were said in the heat of the moment. I wish I could say that the conflict was worked out in one day, however after the night of yelling at each other we didn’t talk to each other for 3 days.

   In this situation I wasn’t the only one using the avoiding strategy here, she was also doing the same thing. So try to imagine living in a dorm room with 4 people, and 2 of them aren’t speaking. It was very awkward for a few days. After a couple days I decided to apologize and then she did to. We worked it out and as a result haven’t had any fights since then. Even though we ended up working out our conflict, I don’t believe we went about it in the right way. If I hadn’t used the avoiding strategy we could of solved our conflict a lot sooner than we had.

ACCOMODATING: Low Assertiveness, High Cooperation

   KIYA: Me and one of my roommates are always getting into some type of mini conflict. For example, the other day we had a minor argument over some A1 sauce.  We were at the grocery store when this happened. She asked me, “Do we have any A1 sauce?” I told her, “Yes!” She looked at me with a strange face and said, “No we don’t!” And I said, “Yes we do!” She shook her head no. I was in disbelief that she still didn’t think I was right, but I let it go and let her think that she was right. So, by me letting her believe that she was right , I lost. This is accommodating, or giving in to the other person. Often it happens when people try to avoid conflict. It’s like putting a band-aid over a gaping wound. It looks better, but it doesn’t actually do anything to solve the problem.

COMPROMISING: Medium Assertiveness, Medium Cooperation

   JUSTIN: Everything doesn’t always go our way; those who possess the compromising conflict style understand this notion. The compromising style can be defined as “attempting to resolve a conflict by identifying a solution that is partially satisfactory to both parties, but completely satisfying to neither side.” You win some, you lose some, take a little, and give a little. If you act under the compromising conflict style, you have a balance in assertiveness and collaboration. You know how to get what you need, even if it requires a bit of sacrifice. This conflict style is primarily useful when both sides are powerful and have a willingness to negotiate, or they both have some desire to maintain the relationship well into the future.

To prevent future headache due to compromising, one should try to….

* Not too give away too much. Sacrifice is only useful when it helps accomplish the end goal. 

Giving in to the other person leads to accommodating. 

* Not to give away something that you need. Be aware of what is necessary for you, and what is expendable. Don’t get in big fights over little issues.

* Give away things that have high value to the other party but low value to you. Try to find a solution where every person gives the least and gains the most.

* Understand that it’s a process. Each person may begin with extreme suggestions that need to be altered.

* Don’t pull away so far away from the other person that you’ll regret it down the road

COMPETITION: High Assertiveness, Low Cooperation

      MIDGE: It was the week of finals. Tensions were high, emotions were running rampant and Sweeney room 419 was no exception. My roommate (we’ll call her Beyoncé for privacy’s sake) was sitting at her desk, having a conversation with her boyfriend, Jay Z, about the weather.

   “It’s pouring snow,” she said, “I can’t see anything when I drive.”

   “Snow can’t pour, “ Jay Z said. “It’s not a liquid.”

   “Yes it is,” Beyoncé said, shooting him disdainful look. “Snow is water, so it has to pour.”

And then I, in my infinite knowledge, decided to insert a comment into the conversation.

   “Jay Z’s actually right,” I said, not knowing the adverse effect my words would have. “Snow is water in solid form, so it can fall but not pour. Rain is the liquid form of snow, so it can pour.”

   And that’s when all hell broke loose. 

   You see, Beyoncé is the type of person who always needs to be right. Because of that, she was going to fight until the I gave up. She didn’t care what the facts said; even when we Googled the answer she refused to give up. The dispute ended with Beyoncé not talking to me for the rest of the week because she was angry I didn’t give in.

   This is a perfect example of a competing conflict style. It’s irrational, and doesn’t allow for any concession. Through the whole discussion, Beyoncé and I were both competing, not only trying to prove we were right, but that the other person was wrong. When two people are both using the competing style and refuse to give in, no one wins. It results in prolonged tensions and pretty awkward situations when you’re living together. When a competing person has a dispute with an avoider or accommodater, they get their way at the expense of the other individual’s opinion. Either way is an unhealthy conclusion that accomplishes very little for the group as a whole. 

   The best thing I could have done in the previously mentioned conflict was explain my reasoning to Beyoncé and then moved on. By not conceding she thought I was insulting her intelligence, and as a competitive person she felt the need to defend herself. If I had approached her without being condescending, the situation would have been dramatically different. Sometimes all you need to avoid a conflict is perspective, and to ask yourself if it is worth the battle. Over an issue as small as whether snow pours or not, I probably would have been better off letting it go. 

Oh, and by the way, snow definitely doesn’t pour. She’s still wrong about it.

COLLABORATION: High Assertiveness, High Cooperation (Hint - This is the best option)

   KYLA:    Back when I was a senior in high school, I was a sub editor for the yearbook. I was in charge of designing templates for the sport’s and club’s pages. Before I did anything too drastic, I had to have it approved by the rest of the yearbook editors. There were four of us total.  We had to have many meetings and make sure that we were all on the same page. Our main goal was to make sure the yearbook of 2008 was the best one our school had ever seen. It sure wasn’t easy, but we needed to use a collaborative conflict approach, so everyone would win.

   Even though, we could design our own templates for our pages, we also needed to keep in mind certain things that would show repetition throughout every page in the book. I remember when the editor-in-chief put a block on the senior picture pages, so only she could see them on the computer. It caused quite a ruckus with the rest of the class. I took her aside, and confronted her about the situation. She didn’t realize that it caused so much chaos, and said that she would change it immediately. Originally, she had wanted to surprise everyone after she was finished retouching the pictures and designing the pages. I told her that we were a democracy and even the head editors needed to have their pages reviewed. I was surprised as to how well she took my criticism. This was a win-win situation and, everyone was happy. The editor unlocked her pages, so they could be reviewed by the other editors and the staff was very pleased to be giving their input as well. 

Collaboration requires cooperation and assertive, yet positive communication, in order to get things accomplished in a harmonious manner.

STEP TWO: Learn how to work with other people based on how you deal with conflict!!

Sooooo, now that you know how YOU deal with conflict, USE IT TO YOUR ADVANTAGE. Don't just sit around thinking, "So I know I'm an accommodator, and that's all I'll ever be." You can always grow and become better at dealing with people. Remember, the end goal of conflict is to come to a constructive solution, not give in to someone's demands or piss someone off. Stay cool, check how your'e reacting, and never ever ever give up!! And then this can be your reaction.

Teams as Systems

When you're just getting to know your group, it's basically like you guys start dating. 

Things are a little bit awkward, no one really knows what to expect and sometimes expectations get miscommunicated. A lot of the time it's like an arranged marriage that you have to learn to deal with. But don't worry, we've got your back!!

I proudly present, 

(GROUP) DATING 101:

 5 key's to a successful system

1: Take them somewhere nice

So if you're going on a date and you want it to work out, where would you rather take them?

Choice A:

Or Choice B:

Hopefully you answered B. If you didn't, then you are a terrible date. Really. Awful. You're going to die alone (kidding).

When you want to impress a date, you'll take them to a nice place, and for a second date you'll go somewhere else to keep it interesting.

The same rule applies within groups.  Your ENVIRONMENT affects the experience you will have and how successful it will be.

If you want to work well with a group, meeting in different places can help people feel more comfortable. Instead of 'taking them out' to the library every time you meet, try going out for dinner together or meeting at somewhere more casual, like a group members house. It's more personal and helps people to feel more comfortable around each other. 

2: Don't talk about yourself the whole time

If you're going on a date with someone, you don't want to hear them droning on about themselves the whole time. If they ignore your opinions and only focus on themselves, you aren't likely to want to go on a second date.  

You'd be left thinking: 

Being in a relationship with this type of person leads to arguments, fights, and most likely misery.

So think about it: If you do the same thing in groups, they aren't likely to enjoy working with you, and it will cause conflict. 

This is why BALANCE is so important in groups. 

Balance not only keeps you from boring everyone in the group, but it keeps everyone in sync and with the same idea. It involves dealing with conflict straight up, and not letting it overwhelm the group.

If your group is balancing opinions and dealing with conflict, instead of this, 

You'll be doing this:

3: Trust them and expect the best

There's a psychological phenomenon phenomenon called "Self fulfilling prophecy," It basically means that what you believe about a situation affects what actually happens. So if you go into a blind date assuming that it'll be awkward and awful, it probably will. But if you go to that same date believing beforehand that it will be a blast, it's more likely to be enjoyable. 

Robert Merton explains it pretty well

This phenomenon occurs in groups too. If you're think that your group members are going to be annoying, they are more likely to act like that. And if you think that your group is going to be lazy before you even meet them, chances are higher that they will be slackers. 

Why does this happen? 

Because if you believe they will be annoying, you'll unconsciously treat them like they are. And if you believe they're lazy, you'll automatically begin to do their work.  

The best way to do group work is to INTERRELATE with each other. 

This means believing the best of each other, and trusting that everyone gets their work done. It can be hard to trust other people with your grade, but it shows maturity and growth. And usually people step up the challenge and produce great work.

4: Work together

Have you ever been in a relationship where where you cared more about the other person than they cared about you? They didn't put in any effort to spend time with you, show you that they were interested or generally be a good partner. It's annoying as heck; no one likes to be treated like they're worthless.

Now, have you ever been in a group where the same thing happened? Members didn't show up for group meetings, they didn't do any work and generally were a bad group member? You probably ended up just dividing up the work leading to a final product that was disjointed and sloppy. 

Each situation leads to anger, resentment, and basically just being pissed off at your group members. 
So how do you solve it? INTERACT with each other. Because here's the thing:

Groups are always at their best when they're interacting and using everyone's strengths to their advantages. Groups that interact work together to create a product that is cohesive. 

5: Communicate what you want for the future

So say you're on a date, and things are going well. You've hit it off, and talking is happening easily. Both of you seem to be having a good time. Everything is going so well that you're considering popping the question and asking them to go steady. Until, that is, they casually mention that they aren't looking for a relationship.

Your dreams are dashed and the chemistry you have doesn't matter, because there is no future together. 

This happens in groups all the times. 

If a group doesn't have a SHARED VISION, then they are left without a purpose. 

Groups that succeed know what they want and every person in the group feels the same way. This clear sense of vision helps the group to come up with manageable steps to accomplish their goals.

By telling the other group members what you want to be the final product, everyone can work together with clarity. 

The image on the left shows what groups look like when they dream separately, and the right shows what groups can envision when they dream together.

You get to choose, which one looks best to you?

Servant Leadership

When you think of a servant, you might think of someone like this dude:

And when you think of leader, you might think of someone like this dude:

So then, when you think of servant leadership, you might think of this:

Which wouldn't be very accurate.... 

You see, while servant leadership does emphasize what the leader does to serve the group needs, it doesn't mean that serving is doing every one else's grunt work. 

Instead, servant leaders are focused on encouraging others to feel that they can accomplish it on their own. 

Servant leaders focus on growth more than the product, and work alongside the people they lead. 

Servant leadership has three main parts: Empowerment, perfectability, and purpose.

Empowerment basically means that a servant leader wants every in the group to feel special, unique, and valued. All the members of the group realize that their ideas are important to the group, and it makes the product greater as a whole. 

Perfectability is all about collaboration and engaging people on different mental levels. It gives people a skill to master, and provides them the tools to do it on their own. 

Purpose focuses on why people do what they do. To generalize it, when people work on what they are passionate about, they typically perform better because they feel it is worthwhile. 

All of this combines into the main focus of servant leadership: intrinsic motivation. 

A servant leader focuses on intrinsic motivation so that the people they are leading can feel their value, master skills, and have a purpose. Then, the people who are led can become the leaders and reach their full potential. 

Intrinsically motivated people are natural leaders. 

Perhaps the most well known example of servant leadership is Mother Theresa.

Mother Theresa is famous for her work with the poor. But lets be honest, lots of people help the poor. So what made Mother Theresa different? 

Her attitude toward servant hood. 

Mother Theresa was always with the people she needed to lead, showing them how to live through her actions. She was generous, kind, and always wanted people to feel special. 

She followed through on what she believed, which was that:

Because of her servant leadership, Mother Theresa saved lives and is a role model for people many years after her death. 

So if you don't know where to start with servant leadership, take the wise Mother's Advice:

Regulating Individuals

Working in groups can pose many challenges, one challenge involves keeping everyone on track and working together. In order to overcome this challenge it is important to regulate the individual members of a team along with regulating the team’s spirit. Regulating individual team members is not done by yelling at them and angrily pointing out everything they are doing wrong. The importance of regulating individuals is that is has to be approached in a calm and professional manner. Many times the hard part about this is that no one in a group has the guts to speak up and call someone out for doing something wrong, doing that sounds scary because it may make working in the group awkward for awhile. There is a way to effectively regulate individuals and it is broken down into 3 simple tips:

Address the issue internally:

his simply means that before you bring up a problem with a group members make sure you know what you are angry about in the first place. This is important because it allows you time to think before you speak, and you can focus on the issue you want to address and not get sidetracked with other problems you may have. 

Address the member individually:

This simply means you need to pull the person you are having a problem with to the side and discuss it, do not discuss it in front of everyone. Do not bring up a problem you have with an individual in front of a group of people they may feel like you are ganging up on them and the result would not be good, they would most likely shut down and refuse to participate due to the sheer embarassment of being called out in front of everyone.

Use iMessages:

This means that you need to explain to the person that what they are doing is also effecting you. Make it clear by using phrases like “ I feel________when you do _______” by doing this the other person may feel empathy and want to change because they are now aware of how their behavior is affecting you. Do not just simply state what it is that you don’t like because they may just get defensive, and they conversation will go no where.

Aspects of a Team

The three system variables are input, process, and output. 
Input is where all the members of the group have different strengths and talents that can benefit the team in some way. 
Process is how the team deals with conflict and how they use everyone’s ideas, and output is the outcome or conclusion of the team’s efforts. The process is also the stage in which more learning and growth will take place. If a team can overcome and work out their problems, they are more successful than a team who bitterly gets through their projects. 
Output is the group's final product. In this stage you must figure out how to solve the problem and what you can learn from the journey.

As far as the process goes, one specific thing that’ll most likely remain with me for the rest of my life was this in-class activity that dealt with marbles. The objective of the activity was to get a series of marbles across 3 blocks of wood. As a group we pretty much found a solution right away; 4 of us held the wood in place mid-air while the 5th person dropped the marbles down the wood. 

Yes this solution did work, however our instructor was adamant about us continuing and finding another. We did just that as we took another 5 minutes of pure brainstorming. This resulted in us holding the wood against the wall, once again the marbles flowed down the wood, but this time it was better! The point that I personally got from this activity was that the first solution isn’t always the best, trial and error is okay and completely acceptable.

.

Regulating Team Spirit

Regulating team spirit identifies the importance of keeping a team motivated, it is easy to be excited to work with a team in the beginning, but a lot of motivation can be lost as you continually work with them. There are three steps that can help keep the team motivation high and they are:
1: Don’t stop dating your team
The concept here identifies that it is important to keep group meetings exciting. You need to keep that spark alive, this can be done by changing the places where you meet with your groups, do other things not involving schoolwork with your groupmates. If you get to know your teammates on a more personal level you may be more inclined to want to meet up and work with them. 
2: Don’t let there be static
Stay in tuned, let your teammates know what is going on in your life. If you having other things going on that may be affecting your performance in your group, let your teammates know. They will be more understanding if you explain what is going on instead of not saying anything at all.
3: Check yourself before you wreck yourself
The concept here is that you need to be able to control your emotions. Do not let one small thing ruin your day, and don’t transfer your frustration onto your teammates. If you let your emotions get the best of you it will most likely show through your work and performance, and it will affect the whole team as well.  

Mission Statement

Creating a mission statement means creating something that you wish to live by. You identify something you wish to do and create a statement that explains why you want to do this. Creating a personal mission statement is the first step before creating a team mission statement. Once all team members have identified their own personal mission statements it is then easier to combine them into one powerful mission statement that combines the important concepts from each individuals mission statement. Here is an example of a group mission statement:

“Create a positive environment absent of fear, where every individual can gain advanced knowledge and skills, take risks and be themselves without judgement.”

Motivation

The third step for being an emotionally intelligent leader is motivation. 

Motivated people enjoy creative challenges. 

They also like to make goals and finish them in a timely fashion. They usually have lots of energy and are very passionate, and show commitment, but are often bored with simple tasks. Emotional intelligent people with high levels of motivation are usually very optimistic. When self-regulation meets motivation, it’s very easy for one to overcome frustration and depression.

Empathy

Understanding empathy as a leader is a lot different than the empathy experienced on a day to day basis. As a leader you do not need to try to take on other people’s emotions and try to please them. It instead refers to you understanding other people’s feelings, and other factors when it comes to making a decision that will affect them. 

A leader can not think about themselves when making decisions that concerns others, it is important to empathize with the employees because what affects them also affects the leader. The reasons for why empathy in a leader is so important is because of the increasing use of teams, the rapid pace of globalization, and the growing need to retain talent.

A team relies on a leader to make the important decisions, however this can’t be done without input from all group members. In order to reach a consensus a leader needs to be able to understand the viewpoints of all the people involved in the group. The rapid pace of globalization identifies another reason why empathy is so important, globalization creates room for misunderstandings. These misunderstandings can be due to differences in languages and cultures, a leader needs to be able to empathize and understand that everyone is different and that there can be more than one way to do something. Finally the need to retain talent is another reason why empathy is important for a leader to have. Leaders want to keep the good people around, but instead of trying hard to keep them around it is more logical to teach everyone to be a certain way. Some ways to go about this is through mentors and coaches, they would provide a push that people need to keep their work performance up or help them improve it.

Self Regulating

If you’re having trouble with Self-regulation remember that you are in control of you. 

Self-regulation refers to the ability to control or redirect disruptive impulses and moods within yourself. 

Self-regulation is like an ongoing conversation that frees us from being prisoners of our feelings. A person who is effective in self-regulation aren’t absent of feelings or bad moods, just like the average person, but they are skilled in controlling impulses and may even channel these feelings to make them beneficial. 

Self-regulation is a component of leadership that advocates leading by example. In group work each person plays an equal role; your group members will depend on you to fulfill that role. Trustworthiness and integrity are very important to self-regulation. If each member regulates others (see “regulating others” section) and themselves everyone would be disciplined, dedicated, and on-point in group objectives.

Synergy

If you’re having trouble with group work understand that synergy is obtainable. 

If I were to pinpoint a direct cause of poor group work it would be a lack of synergy. 

Synergy refers to the level of which a group cooperates with each other to produce a combined effect greater than the sum of their separate effects. 

Synergy is the crucial component that allowed for our Small Group Communication’s team to excel on various assignments. Synergy is most simply the energy that expands through cooperation. When each group member brings a positive attitude to the group, success is more easily achievable. Though your group consists of multiple people, the closer you all get to flowing as one the better.